Empowering Inner Peace and Freedom: Coaching Relationship and Process

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Introduction:

Coaching is defined by making people value themselves in terms of their future potential and not their past performance and behavior, under the umbrella of a unique relationship and process that evokes the transformation that people desire and that would eventually enhance their quality of life and help them reach the fulfillment they seek.

The coaching relationship and process will empower every willing person to reach contentment and achieve inner peace and freedom at its highest level that is ‘inner freedom’. While freedom is not given, for what is given can be easily taken away from us, it is our pursuit to discover who we truly are. In addition to this process of self-discovery, inner freedom is achieved and sought for by declaring war on all that stops us from being our true selves and taking decisions based on our values, decisions that reflect our true identities and help us be the best version of ourselves.

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Coaching empowers inner freedom and leads to inner peace as it creates space for self-awareness, gaining clarity to uncover the motives and core values, identifying all the empowering and limiting factors, shifting perception to reform and upgrade the internal set of rules. It empowers clients’ reconciliation with themselves and others, they learn how to trust themselves, discover the will and the power to embrace the past, switch their present and control the actions that would create their future. Along the way, coaching will empower clients to win their inner fights, they would develop self-belief and confidence to stand up for all that they are and walk through the path that leads them to what their hearts truly desire.

Coaching Relationship & Process:

While searching for a clear and simple definition for coaching, we find it is best displayed in the process and relationship that bonds the coach and the coachee in a peer-to-peer alliance, focusing on ‘today’ and ‘now’ rather than the ‘past’ to move to the ‘future’. One of the definitions is that of The International Coaching Federation: “ICF defines coaching as partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.” whereas the end result is people creating the life they want and deserve.

The most important ingredients of a successful coaching relationship, is to be based on openness, compassion, empathy, trust and respect, all wrapped with confidentiality, and an underlying belief that people are naturally capable and resourceful, that is, they have all the answers they need and all the power they need to create the change deep within themselves. The coach is only a catalyst that accelerates the process of change from one state to another, that serves the coachees’ higher purpose, through the coaches’ commitment to the coachees’ agenda and goals while maintaining his/her objectivity at all times throughout this partnership, being non-directional and nonjudgmental.

A certain level and depth of psychological understanding of the coachees’ state, is also needed, to know what challenges them the most, and what triggers them to unblock and move forward when stuck. The coach needs to be intuitive and extremely attentive to the coachees limiting beliefs, self-doubt, and lack of confidence. Here the coach needs to be most supportive and encouraging, by shifting the attention from the negative to the positive aspects, from the points of weakness to their points of strength, moving from shaky performance levels to more solid factors of character and potential. The coaching relationship and process facilitate a shift in the perception of our daily events and experiences, promoting all that is empowering and adapting the learning points of every negative situation or experience. This relationship encourages people to trust themselves and their abilities, commit to the plans they draw, accomplish tasks, overcome challenges and change dreams to goals achieved. It is a process that enhances productivity and injects coachees with shots of self-confidence that manifests itself in the personal life and at the workplace. And with every new step comes an increased level of self-worth and self-value building a higher level of self-esteem.

Author John Whitmore wrote in his book “Coaching for Performance”: “Coaching is not merely a technique to be wheeled out and rigidly applied in certain prescribed circumstances. It is a way of managing, a way of treating people, a way of thinking, a way of being”

This definition gives great value to the flexibility, intelligence and understanding qualifications in the coaches themselves and the process, to work upon the individuality of the coachees whether individuals or organizations. Besides, through the learning process, and while practicing and developing their methods of coaching, the coaches first and foremost learn to develop and adopt new ways of thinking, new perception on life and people will learn how to manage their teams when possible and assess their own lives to create their balance. Coaching simply becomes a way of thinking and treating others, and from there on, coaching becomes a way of being and a way of living. Managers as coaches will develop different and advanced ways of communicating with their teams, delegating, trusting and empowering through giving them the freedom of choice and creating opportunities for them to pull out their solutions, rather than imposing the system’s methods, allowing them to be more responsible and accountable, which elevates levels of creativity, problem-solving, self-belief, and self-esteem, that in turn increases involvement and productivity.

The same process and results are applicable in life itself, and not only at the workplace, that goes along with the new shift in people’s awareness on the importance of freedom of choice, thus elevating their personal quality of life, what they want from it and how they want to live it.

In the heart of the coaching process lies the capacity of encouraging people to stretch the borders of available options and dig beyond and beneath them, empowering them to beat the opponent within and making way for long-buried creativity and success to blossom, to regularly update the agenda of priorities and set new personal goals in any of the fields they wish to work on.

A coaching relation will take people through this journey of self-discovery and introspection, to know their motives and honor them, to know their internal obstacles and conquer them, to know their strengths and build on them, it aims “to upgrade the quality of life and unlock their potentials and maximize their performance” .

This type of partnership, regardless of ‘when’ and ‘where’ it’s used, is designed to be the safe haven for the coachees to unleash their most intimate thoughts and feelings, their expectations, emotions, passions and explore options without the fear of rejection or judgment. A coaching relation will define a road map to reach goals that reflect peoples’ ambitions and hearty desires.

With all that being said, the essence of coaching still has a deeper purpose that exceeds all these challenges, dreams, tasks and goals. It is a purpose that tackles the person as a whole, instead of being selective, coaching promotes the quality of life on all levels, as it deals with the mind, body, heart, and spirit. This ongoing alliance will pull out the best in people, will guide them towards their true north and will help them be happy, content, fulfilled and free.

Coaching and Empowerment:

Coaching is a combination of art and skill, based on a deeper level of communication, where coaches believe that all people have great power within, that needs to be nourished and encouraged thus empowering coachees to discover embedded potentials and derive their very own solutions, where the coaches role is restricted to guide the process only, being objective and non-directional, building a high level of trust and rapport, practicing effective listening that digs beyond the words that are being said, and asking powerful questions that intrigue further introspection and awareness, reflecting on answers clarifying any given situation and giving constructive feedback, while being genuinely empathetic, supportive and encouraging, but never failing to be honest and challenging, where and when needed, as no success is built upon if not worked for and genuinely deserved. Coaching works on both character and competence, on what the coachees are made of and what they are good at and rise both aspects to increasingly higher levels. A simple way to explain how coaching leads to empowerment and how the two are interlinked, below are some questions, the answers of which, will connect the dots and draw the picture of empowerment.

Coaching works on both character and competence, on what the coachees are made of and what they are good at and rise both aspects to increasingly higher levels. A simple way to explain how coaching leads to empowerment and how the two are interlinked, below are some questions, the answers of which, will connect the dots and draw the picture of empowerment.

How empowering is it to know that dreams can become goals achieved? That we, people, are always capable and have undiscovered potentials? That we can create opportunities instead of having to wait for one? What is more empowering than believing that every failure is a learning experience and every experience is a stepping stone that lifts us? That we have the option to choose and create the life we want? What is more empowering than knowing that we can finally have the balance we need? To have less stress, less anxiety or more time with the people we love and care for? What about having relationships of respect and trust, with all stakeholders whether at home, with friends or at work? How empowering is it to finally have that inner peace we’ve been longing for and to feel that we are enough? To be free just by being us, being congruent with ourselves and with the external world?

Empowerment starts with a genuine belief in people’s goodness and abilities, giving people the space to improve and change their lives. The beauty in coaching lies in the mission it serves, it teaches us the skills and provides us with the tools needed to help ourselves and others elevate in the ladder of life on all levels, whether health, personal, professional, moral, spiritual and emotional among many others in a well-defined process that leads to awareness and self-awareness. The result is ’empowerment’ gained from knowledge and clarity that leads to further knowledge, potentials, self-acceptance, love, and appreciation.

Listening:

It is quite interesting to explain first the difference between the three levels of listening as identified by the authors of ‘Co-Active Coaching’. Our listening level differs depending on the role we are playing in a conversation, whether as regular individuals or as coaches, therapists, counselors, etc… We use different levels where each level leads to different results in the communication process.

Level one is commonly used in everyday life, where the focus is on one’s self and his/her thoughts, interpretation and reflecting on his/her own experiences during the conversation rather than that of the speaker. The level of self-talk is usually very high at this level which prevents the listener from focusing on the message the speaker is trying to convey.

Listening at level two is when the listener is focused on the speaker’s story, interests, feelings, and emotions. Both the speaker and the listener are bonded with a connection at this level allowing the speaker to open up trusting the listener, feeling respected and genuinely cared for and understood while the listener is keeping his/her thoughts and judgment away from the equation. The listener is fully attentive at this level and it is the most frequently used level during a coaching session.

The highest form of listening is level three, which is referred to as ‘Global Listening’. It is the level where the listener is not only fully attentive but on top using his/her intuition and reading all the surrounding input and sensing signals. It is listening to the spaces between the words and the emotions lying behind these words and spaces. This is the highest form of listening to be used by a coach, allowing him/her to listen to what is not seen, heard or verbalized.

The question raised here is: How does ‘listening’ in a coaching relation impact inner peace and inner freedom? While studying, coaches learn how to listen on a deep level, eliminating our self-thoughts and analysis, focusing only on the coachees’ words, silent moments, voice tonality, pace, hesitation or confidence levels and every other factor that reflects the coachees’ emotional and mental state. We get to discover the valuable meaning of ‘listening’ which is, how to understand another person from their perspective, through letting go of our self, in terms of thoughts and judgments, and being genuine, compassionate empathetic and accepting.

This enables a relationship of pure trust, where coachees allow themselves to open up, exploring their deepest thoughts, feelings, and emotions, giving them the space to discover themselves on a much deeper level leading to an advanced level of self-awareness through articulating their thoughts and listening out loud to themselves. This self-discovery journey will allow them to analyze their stories, with all their elements, clarify, and understand them. This is a higher level of conversation performed between one and him/herself, with the coach acting as a mediator only, his/her sole role is to listen and ask questions, some derived from the coachees’ answers and others challenging the coachee to dig deeper that would intrigue further introspection and analysis leading to more awareness.

Henri Nouwen speaks of listening as “the highest form of hospitality” where hospitality is “the creation of free space… where change can take place. The paradox of hospitality is that it wants to create emptiness, not a fearful emptiness, but a friendly emptiness where strangers can enter and discover themselves as created free….not a subtle invitation to adopt the life style of the host, but the gift of a chance for the guest to find his own.”

A quote beholding wisdom, and requires a true understanding of the concept of listening to be able to relate to what Nouwen is saying. The space needed for change cannot be created if packages of obstacles whether internal or external are not analyzed and processed then released, creating a free space inside the coachee’s heart and mind, making them ready to be replaced with constructive and empowering thoughts to find the answers they seek and help them resolve and grow.

In his definition, Nouwen, explains the core value of ‘listening’, where it invites coachees to unload their thoughts and emotions, by being genuinely listened to, feeling valued and respected, where the coach simply lets go of any personal thoughts and judgment but at the same time is totally objective, totally dedicated and detached from the coachees, for the latter to discover themselves and take their own path. By being listened to, coachees unload and every time they unload, a free space is created which fosters an environment for discovery, always reaching a higher level of self-awareness by having a deeper contact with their existential situation, away from any internal and external influences, which would create clarity and clarity is the power needed to create the change they seek that would eventually lead to achieving the goals they set. These achievements promote a sense of fulfillment and contentment.

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